As Told By A Wingman

The 2nd most valuable man on ya team, besides ya barber 

Now this title belongs to those men who are put in the highest of standards. Not all men can be a wingman. You have to have the gift of gab, that divine level of greatness. If there’s an award that truly should belong to me besides the slander-filled and mislabeling of "Thot of the year" or the recent misconstrued blog (6th man of the year.)  The one real award that I must truly come up to the podium for is  "Wingman of the year." Now I personally love (loved) being a wingman. I truly did love that shit, there isn't a greater feeling than knowing that you can orchestrated some flawless shit for your boys or a friend. You’ll have niggas in awe at some of the masterpiece hook ups. Sheeeeiiiitttt *Clay Davis voice*, I hooked my little brother with his current gf 3 years ago. success or nah? I dare ya to say "NAH" FOH. It’s in my DNA my nigga. Ya remember the same way they created MewTwo in that lab? the same exact measures where taking when creating me. But this shit runs in my blood. As every one knows, no man is created equal, and the creation of a very good wingman should never be overlooked or undervalued. Front line niggas in a chess game, but our value is as high as the kings piece fam. 

The Burden?

Yes, Wingman Inc. Its a career choice

Yes, a wingman’s burden. Contrary to popular belief, there are many burdens with this line of work. I don't mean the stereotypical shit though. Like for instance helping entertain the ugly chick or the cock-blocking friend. That's rookie level shit, I can do that taking a 20min nap. I’m talking about the real shit, the behind the scene shit. All that other shit people put a blind eye too, i got a 401k plan for this shit, so best believe i'm spoon feeding ya some golden shit... "haha, golden. get it?". 

• Environment: Always gotta make sure the situation doesn't get hostile, especially your boys.. Niggas be the first one to say some outlandish shit or get out of character. Ask me if I’m lying, but how many times have you been with ya niggas and one of them say some dumb shit in front of a group of bitches? Something along the lines of "Which one of these joints fucking?" or "fuck these bitchesss! they don't wanna suck dick"  NIGGA! who in their right mind...*sigh*, but  now i gotta find a way to put everyone at ease, do you know how difficult it is to put bitches at ease after they hear some shit like that? Ya ever seen the movie 300?. So I gotta set the right environment from the get and YES give niggas warnings ahead of time, basically letting you know in one shot, that you are not allowed to exercise you're right of freedom of speech (you can't be saying and doing what you want to do b.) A lot of time shit doesn't workout because niggas just don't know how to be cool or plain act civil. Niggas have buried they own grave and missed out on epic nights for not keeping they trap shut!

•  Expectations: that your own friends or "team" places on a nigga. My job is to get you as CLOSE as possible to MY goals, you ungrateful SOB! The keyword is "close" and "my goals". I do NOT guarantee, I do not ensure; there’s no 100% certainty that you will be fucking. I’m a regular ass dude. I'm not a Romeo Santos or Drake b. I can't guarantee you a wave of groupies with just a glimpse or have the funds to set you up with pornstars and prostitutes like they can. My normal ass can get you as close as possible, with the limited resources that I have, which is literally nothing but my field experience. Niggas be wanting me not only to introduce them, but also engage them in conversation, dance for‘em, then bag a girl’s number FOR THEM, and then help THEM put the condom on while they go on and fuck. It just doesn't make sense to me. If I'm tossing you the oop (the bitch) I cant dunk it (bag and/or fuck) for you. Sometimes you throw the oop they either drop the pass, completely whiff on the dunk, or the pass just goes completely over their head. If the last case happens often, ya mans just gonna have to buy some pussy himself, cause i ain't coughing up the bread.

this is a real convo, catch my drift or nah? (sorry bro lol)

• My Goals: When I say "my goals" I’m basically gonna try everything in my power to either: A. Introduce you to a lovely lady or friends in a social setting; B. Surround you with women that niggas never are around or are exposed to; C. If I know her I’ll put in the good word and lastly; D. Meet girls only for the sole purpose that they have more friends for my friends (levels). With those lengths already met, it is then up to you as an individual to take it from there. It’s not my fault if she curves you. Step ya weak ass game up nigga. Develop an approach or go buy ya self a personality i hear there extra cheap in walmart around this time of the year. Instead ya coming to me like "Yo bro, she dubbed me... why Introduced me to a girl thats not into me.” No nigga, I introduced you to a girl... the following steps you took from there ON got you curved; I already put you in position, that’s more than enough. Again, not putting that condom on for you, b.

• Reciprocation: As a wingman the reciprocation just isn't there. It’s non-existent. I've noticed that the focus to FIND me a woman is never an option. It’s not in the play book. the team doesn't call any offense plays for me. Deadass not a single damn play blood?! I'm outchea Chris Paul'n for these ungrateful niggas but when its my time i get treated like Raymond Felton. Yet, my main goal is to get you involved nigga?! Like where's my "Hey bro, I got you with someone" or "guess what? its your LUCKY day all about you big guy" I'm being completely unselfish tryna hook you heathens up and ya never have the decency to hook up ya most valuable asset, the heart of the team!. I honestly don't need help but its the thought that counts. Now as a wingman, I know how good I am and for the most part I know how horrible some of my boys are as wingmen. It isn't fair for me to hold them to the same standard as myself when it comes to this shit. They can barely bag something for themselves but still, throw a nigga a bone, pause.

• The Team: The team is just my niggas or my bros. The saddest part is I have to work with what these niggas got to offer. If you’re ugly, short, shy, can't dance or are anti-social it's gonna be a difficult task.  Having to talk ya niggas up like if ya some angels, telling bitches stories of how you rescued a baby from a burning building. Haven't met a greater "friend" (these nuts) in my life. Trying to describe to bitches that my friend is up for a Nobel prize while balancing a 7.0 gpa at Harvard and Yale, while volunteering in an animal shelter and is ready to get drafted to the big leagues. While the bitch glances at dude, looks at me, with a stone cold face says "Nah he ain't my type." basically saying not in his life time, mine, or hers Im a wingman not a fucking miracle worker, leave that shit to jesus. 

• Sacrifices: No one truly knows the sacrifices a wingman has to make. Sacrifices so severe only a man's man can truly go through with it. There are times where you're literally tanking your night so your boys can flourish. No one cares tho. People don't realize how damaging talking to the lesser looking friend can be. You can come off as a pig and/or someone of low standards in the eyes of other females. If the girl you happen to draw is big there should be some type of consolation prize at the end. Whoever you're taking the hit for should supply you with a fuckin hefty meal or and 8th worth of bud, SOMETHING. Dubbin with big girls is not fun. Btw you CANNOT dance with big girls for more than 2 songs. Dance with her for a 3rd song and she'll think you guys are dating so watch out. And if you happen to be with a friend that usually don't get bitches, give him the ugly bitch, fuck it. No time for his born again virgin ass to be picky 

Conclusion & Shit

My contract doesn't allow me to go past A

Now don't get me wrong, there’s been a vast amount of times where I have set niggas up for the ultimate level of success. Can't really claim yourself as a top tier wingman if you haven't assisted your boy into fucking, you just can't (bragging rights.) Now you Neanderthal ass niggas gotta stop being so damn delusional thinking ya gonna fuck every time ya step out. Think about it, truly think about that shit-- how many times have you stepped out, partied/turned up/got together to not only get curved but also not fuck? PLENTY OF FUCKING TIMES! Happens all the time, if you add up all times you've gone out and not fucked, in-comparison to the times you have gone out and succeeded, probably looking around a batting average of .002. Going up to the plate with endless strikeouts. Think about it like the lottery with a a little higher success rate! Also, little do you fuckers know that traditional wingmen gotta take the hit and either befriend a chick or entertain the ring leader of the group AKA the hideous-looking one that the pretty chicks feel bad to not follow and god forbid not allow her voice her opinion because of her self-esteem issues AKA the fat bitch.. But I digress.. whatever the hell that means. So when I introduce you and you get at least a # or embraced by a woman…nigga be grateful, you could have been easily jerking off playing some 2k. Side note, i hit some big words like reciprocation, expectations, and digress.. ya niggas gotta feel some type of enlightenment with those big words being thrown in there. this is a big step for me. 


for the rookies, who are looking to get schooled... ya shit out of luck. Shit really isn't for everyone

@Word2myknicks

Eliesproject@gmail.com