THE SIDE CHICK:
Ya bitches better brace yaselves cause cuffing season is right around the corner, seeing as its getting fucking cold and shit, all that warm weather shit finished two days ago. But I'm not here to give you bitches a weather forecast, so with that being said… These bitches is looking to secure a spot in a nigga’s roster and get ya self a man for the season. You know, cause that's how ya operate and shit, cuff by weather, not by chemistry. Let’s ignore that and focus strictly on ‘cuddle weather’ and ‘Netflix is life’ kind of people. This has absolutely nothing to do with The Side Chicks, who do not know that they are side pieces (poor souls); ya get a pass just for today. I mean, ya about to feel the pain of 1,000 piercing knives going through ya chest. Ya gonna see some top 5 feels on my TL and it’s gonna be cold, sheeet, you sick ma. That’s whenever you find out, so until then, enjoy and good luck with them feelz. The cure for that is yet to be found. This is for the ones who know they The Side Chick and accept this role gladly, cause ya the real dumbasses. I don't watch scandal and shit but ya really think ya holding it down like some of these memes of Olivia Pope (again I don’t know who she is or what she stands for, all I know she's like Queen Side Bitch to some of ya, idolizing her like that shit is dope.)
When bitches say "Niggas ain't shit" but these hoes out here helping out |
1. Ya Your Own Worse Enemy
Everytime there’s a discussion about relationships or the involvement of the opposite sex, there's always a war of Niggas vs. Bitches. I see this a lot when people are tweeting some biblical shit about each other. Classic example: You'll peep a cornball respond with "Niggas/bitches too…," with ya hurt asses. However, for this topic, ‘The Side Chick,’ this is clearly a battle between Bitches vs. Bitches. Yes, niggas are to blame in the sense that they’re falling victim for another chick and cheating, BUT if a girl is willingly doing it on purpose, and knows the guy has a girl, she is no worse than the nigga committing the crime. I see it like this: a Side Chick without a shadow of a doubt can find herself another man, but on the other hand, sometimes the only way a Side Nigga can bag is by fucking another niggas queen (AKA long distance relationships). In essence, we just don't have an abundance of glorified, consistent opportunities like ya do, Technically, it’s not that hard for these hoes; ya can scoop a nigga up like it’s a routine ground ball. So what does that mean? This bitch can literally deal with any man she wants, but she out here fucking YOUR man ever so faithfully. On a serious note, for those GFs who think they man is top of line, have a grand seat sweetheart, ya man isn't something out of this world or that serious. He probably has some features, but what man doesn't? Sorry for those who don't, step ya features up. Take a hint: that's about it, besides for those few things, he ain't that special. It's not the sex, that’s for sure, because then there would be so many more Side Bitches. So, what is it that she wants, exactly? Unless he some celebrity nigga, or she has a personal grudge on you, I don't see the reason. In the grand scheme of things, if men are technically the proclaimed ENEMY, then a side bitch’s favorite quote gotta be "an enemy of my enemy is a friend of mine!" Here’s a topic for those "#NiggasAintShit" types.
2. YOU NOT HIS GURLLLLLLL
This has to be the funniest part (granted the unlucky queen is unfortunately cheated on is the not so funny part). She’s not aware of this, so you might as well add another tally for the #NiggasAin'tShit team. Once she find out though, everything is LIT-- shawty gonna catch full blown feels, that’s the equivalent of Aids in emotional terms. BUT, unlike her, she's not a dumb bitch like the side one is. If she sees some shaky shit happening or found out she’ll be kicking niggas’ ass to the curve and have niggas singing Trey's smartphone. There's a reason why she's valuable. Shit, ya saw how quick this nigga Trey jump out that scene with them 3 foreigns? (I would have never left, FOH). Usher in “Confessions”? Oh, you dumb side hoes must not know. Niggas is afraid to lose her, #TheOne, who really matters. You see, you Side Chicks think ya actually valuable when ya aren't in the slightest. Baby girl, you just argument free pussy, which is a much better option than jerking off. The Side Chick can cook, clean, suck his dick for 24 hours, do his homework, pay for lunch, drive him to the moon and back, and in general, just go above and beyond for him. You can be neck-neck with his GF in terms of availability and affection. (At last, the funny Part) He doesn't have to be grateful for it or say thank you, even if you feel like you ‘deserve’ it. I mean, you do, right, since you put all that useless effort into making him happy? Newsflash: NOPE! He doesn't have to do a damn thing for you. You can ask the dude "pass me water, I’m dying" in hopes that he does, because let’s face it, it’s just inhumane not to. I mean, if you ever stuck in that predicament pussy gotta count for something, right? But, on a lighter note, you must understand that he doesn't have to! Why? Cause you let him fuck? NO! BITCH YOU NOTTTTTTT HIS GIRLLLLL! You really can't tell or ask him ANYTHING. Matter fact, I'm fronting, the least he would do for you is open the door so you can escort yourself to the nearest bus or train station.
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but niggassss ain't shit thoooo |
3. Benefits
Now you might think you winning because you not dealing with anything but getting dicked down, probably mediocre sex tbh. I mean let’s be clear about this, you gotta have a clear eye view that what you’re doing is in some way idiotic at a monumental level, especially if you a faithful side-chick (let that sink) you out here not only gladly accepting his shorty’s bodily fluids knowingly (Nasty AF TBH), but also being faithful? Hoe, you got shit backwards. Not only are you holding it down P.O.P style, but you can’t even explore your own options to actually build and find a real relationship. This deal sounds a little one sided but again, ya not the brightest chicks out there. I mean you’re not going out on dates, not being claimed, you’re receiving no gifts (dick don't count!), can't fuck other niggas, and anything publicly related is pretty much voided on ya contract, as well. So what are the benefits that are keeping you so tied down, so faithful? Besides the fact that ya ignorant or being a real dumbass? Let me tell you! Absolutely nothing! I mean,you can wait on him and shit to be his new girlfriend! I mean, that could be a solution. Think about it, it’s only logical since you waited for this catch for so, so long and now, finally, he's single. He's FINALLY all yours, but wait—there’s even more! :) Ya gotta realize how you got there the in the very first place… I mean, you gotta trust him right, or can you? Benefit package is piling up, ya feel me? Hey, you know what’s real great about this all-exclusive benefit package? That when he does reach that single status, you think home boy gonna wanna jump into a relationship? I mean, why would he though? When you can just be his side chick forever? AHH that has one hell of a ring to it, though, just think: "life time member of the sidekick association." Shit! What self respecting woman can resist such an enticing offer? I mean, he can cuff you and all that, but karma gonna come through like "HANNN ERRRTHANG LIT.” Then you really think he gonna be faithful? To you, of all people? I’m gonna let my mans take it from here. He got all the answers.
4. Can't even play the game right
So you wanna be a side chick, if you gonna be a hoe. If that’s the case, then please exercise your hoeness to the best of ya ability; don't half ass ya hoeness! Be good at your craft bitch. The main reason why ya part of this ‘scandal’ is to enjoy yourself, anyways (I know bitches got hype when they read "Scandal.") So you wanna be a Side Chick, even thought I bashed you guys heavily. Some of you hoes are the reason certain relationships are still functioning, oddly enough. Only problem is side bitches eventually catch them feelz; statistics show that it’s a 89% chance of happening. You see that’s where The Side Niggas have the advantage. So, if you gonna play this position, the least you can do is play it right, Thotiana! Let me tell you what you can't do: CATCH FEELINGS! Look, for some reason, ya bitches are always breaking a "good man’s" relationship (lmao). But no, seriously, if you gonna hold this position don't leave any trails, my nigga, have some integrity b. That includes: no emojis sent to his phone, no comments on I.G, don’t ask for water (I touched upon why not to ask for water), no subs on twitter, and, perhaps most importantly, if his girl friend calls, ya better pretend that you Pizza Hut or some shit! Matter of fact, the only job you have to do is fuck that nigga and be on your way. If you hold a conversation or even say hi, you gotta consider this one serious question: Am I doing too much? Chances are—yes, you are, way too much, in fact. This is how you hoes avoid catching these feelings and don’t lose whatever foresight you got left. After you done asking that question just remember why you’re there in the first place: PLEASURE. If you gonna join this experience ma, you might as well just get ya rocks on and keep it moving. Don't be fucking shit up, don't be bitter, and just hold it down. Trust me, ya mama and the nigga you serving will appreciate you… cause you smart (not really) AND loyal (he will appreciate ya pussy for not snitching, ma nigga might eat ya box or someshit as a bonus). If you feel like you catching feelings take a few steps back, focus and send those feelings to another nigga whos available-- don't be bothering the nigga who's wifed up.
I'm Doing Me THO
Now this phrase right here had to be made by The Side Bitches Association (TSBA). I understand niggas ain't shit, of course, but ya have nobody but yaselves to blame for this shit. Ya be having a bunch of "friends" and they allowing you to play this role and not telling you a word, keeping a blind eye instead of telling you "look bitch, what you doing is wrong and YOU STUPID.” Now it’s up to people like me to do their job. Would I allow my bros to cuff a top of the line smut? You crazy, my nigga. I might as well be homie’s enemy, how fucking grimey is that shit? These hoes need guidance. For the most part, I can spare a little time to guide ya, cause ya in desperate need of it, cause obviously ya don't have pussy control or sense at that. I've done a grave injustice for "man" so ya single bitter bitches better appreciate this shit. You "girlfriends" who are in relationship can quick pay me or put me on with one ya bad friends (whos not a HOE or sidebitch) i saved a lot of relationships
That’s the #LeastYaCanDo, the dudes who cuffing and reading this…? Welp, too bad nigga, suck a dick along side the side bitch. All my niggas who are single about to flourish with all this enlightenment i just put out here.